365 Days 'Til Next Christmas...Wahoo!

OK, I know, I haven't been keeping up with the Joneses (in blogging, that is). And certainly, this isn't the first time in my short blogging career that I have neglected my Butter duties, but please forgive. Seriously, I just studied for 18 days straight, took 5 exams, shopped for over 20 people & still was able to force smiles for 30 hours over the holiday events. But, I digress with my self-rationalizations...

Let's begin at the beginning. Two Sundays ago, I was in the middle of editing my 8-page, 48-hour take home exam (Legislation, suckas) when I planned to take a 3-hour break to watch the Stees beat the Bears. A half-hour before the game began, I stopped editing my exam & began blogging. About three paragraphs in, I dumped a half cup of pumpkin spice coffee on my laptop. Yes, the laptop in which my Legislation exam lived.

Holy fucking shit!

And I fried my barely-one-year-old Dell Inspirion 5160. Truly sizzled the fucker.

The (X-mas?) miracle of the situation was that I had, five minutes earlier, printed out a draft of my exam to measure the fucking margins. I was a half-page over the limit & Taylor is all about following directions/specifications to a T...or else. So, it was ruler & margin-fudging time. Obviously, someone/thing was watching over me; or, then again, wait, I don't believe in that shit...it was fate, right? Alas, I had a hard copy from which to retype my answer after the Steelers game. A-mah-zing.

Next exam disaster: fast-forward to Tuesday, 4pm, after my breezy & relaxing Spanish (make-up) exam. Hemingway's, dollar pints (Molson, yuck), nufff said. Since many of my friends had just finished their last exam & all I had left was a 24-hour take home Ethics - sorry, "Legal Profession" - exam, I was ready to drink in earnest.

Just one shot of Cuervo and about five to seven pints later, I was drunk. And, do I have to mention that I hadn't eaten anything that day except a Pamela's breakfast (around 11am)? That's kinda implied. Anyway, I ambled to the bus stop around 9pm & rode the 54C home to meet two friends for our weekly viewing of Nip/Tuck...OK, I have to back up a bit. I had forgotten in my stupor/exam chaos that the TWO HOUR SEASON FINALE of Nip/Tuck was that night. That is, until I listened to a voicemail from Danny Boy while at the bar. So, back to the story: I got home, Dan & Stan came over & we began to watch this fucking great episode. Being as drunk and hungry as I was, I couldn't handle the graphic nature of the show without puking, so around 10:30pm (1/2 hour into the show), I told them that I had to eat or pass out immediately. And I opted to pass out. Being respectable house guests, Dan & Stan finished watching the episode & let themselves out. BTdubs, I got to watch the rerun of the finale Friday night...transgender genital mutilation and the Carver revealed - N/T never disappoints.

The next morning, I woke up around 9am & felt like death. Not the archetypal hangover headachey thing; this was feverish chills coupled with nausea, a racing heart beat and dizziness. I was a complete wreck. I knew that I had to eat ASAP, but the thought of any kind of food just made me iller (sweet word, right?). I tried to feed Daisy around 10am & it was nearly impossible to get dog food & water into her bowl without passing out. Then, I puked up a bunch of stomach bile. Ahhhhh, the beauty of the morning-after puke. Did I mention that I had to get to Oakland before noon to pick up my Ethics take-home? Right. The 54C was eliminated as an option. I was in no way going to stand at a bus stop today. Even driving seemed like a bad idea; I was not concerned about finding a parking spot, I just felt too sick to do it. So, around 11am, I called the two people that I knew always have my back: Timmers & KB. Messages were left & I went back to "sleep." T called me back 15 minutes later & came through with flying fucking colors, ribbons & sparkles.

Timily is the BEST.

She went to the Barco, got my exam (not without an attempt at some ill-advised trickery & a call from the Registrar herself) & picked up provisions from Pantera. She came over & got me to a state where I could sit up & have a conversation. After she left, I forced down the bagel & OJ & took my first shower in five days. And, yes, then I took the Ethics exam for the next ten hours.

Painful? A little. Boring? You could say that. Annoying? Fucking right. I was completely out of gas, brain-wise. I would type sentences like, "Depending on the type of information that A is interested in relaying, a noisy withdrawal may work or not." Come on. I know that I can express my thoughts in a better sentence than that. But, by 8pm on December 21st, I really couldn't.

So, it's over. 5 down, 1 to go, semester-wise. That's another thing. While studying for exams this December, I realized that I would never have to try to juggle X-mas duties & law school exams ever again. Like, this time next year, I will be a working (knock on fucking wood) attorney. Christ.

Right now, I am decompresing from the whole X-mas thing. I got some sweet presents; thanks Santa (read: Mom & Dad). One gift worth mentioning was from my sis. She was just in Beaver Creek, CO for the Birds of Prey downhill & grabbed me up some souvies. She bought me a hunter green T-shirt that has a beaver on it & sayz, "Save a tree, Eat a beaver."
OK, I am a hippie, tree-hugging enviro. We all know that. But, Nikki, I am not a lesbian. I believe that this shirt is geared toward straight males or lesbians or anyone who is typically interested in eating pussy & proudly announcing it via fashion. I really like it but fear that it will send the wrong message. Please advise.

I have more to say, but I have the next two & one-half weeks to catch yinz all up on the Dice. Peas aht. And thanks for the gifts, y'all.