Hillman Cellular Meltdahn

First of all, sorry to all my Butter fans whom I've been neglecting. I will probably not have much time to blog in the near future...but I gotta share this one with yinz.

As has been my recent habit, I was reading (last week's) Es&Ts assignment on the 4th floor of Hillman yesterday. There are signs posted everywhere about cell phone usage. You are only supposed to use them on the G-Level, in the Cup & Chaucer cafe & in the stairwells.

Whatev. In any library, there is usually no need for me to worry about my cellie for a few reasons:
First, it's usually off.
Second, I am in the library to bust a fucking move on my workload, not chit-chat with my pals.
Third, I only have, like 5 friends, anyway. It's my dad who calls all the time. Communication is the basis for a healthy relationship, right?
Fourth, Shut the fuck up!

That said, this is what happened yesterday at the table behind me: A (blind) older man made no less than 5 consecutive phone calls; I call him blind because he obviously couldn't see the cell phone rules which are displayed ubiquitously (a word?) in this joint. As if this whole situation wasn't annoying enough, the fucking subject of these phone calls was this dude's nasty-ass colon. Yeppers, he was calling to schedule a COLONOSCOPY!

OK, I pitied my pops when he had to have one...it was even kinda funny to talk to him on the phone as he left the hospital, 'cause he was all fucked-up on drugs. And he is very prahd of being "high on life!"; "No artificial stimuli!"

But, this blind, inconsiderate assman interrupted my learning about holographic wills with concerns about his colon. Steamy topic for public conversation. I know that when I want to discuss my cooter with the folks at Planned Parenthood, I make sure to be in the quietest public place possible, so that everyone can hear about the juicy details of my snatch. It makes perfect sense.

I hope he fails his colon testing process.

Look, I am not usually this much of a biiiaach...Sorry, just releasing some stress thru blogging. Thank god there's only 3.5 hours 'til Weave.