I Hereby Give, Devise & Bequeath...

This is a little extracurricular project that I have decided to undertake this semester. Yes, I am writing my will. Estates & Trusts has enticed me into determining what shit I do own & who should get it. It's not like I think I am going to die soon, or that this course has me thinking about death; I just think that I would like to work on devising my assets.

I guess that another impetus for this will-writing thing is the fact that neither of my parents have a will. And they both turn 60 this summer. And...wait for it...my dad's a lawyer. So, I am trying to set a good example, look death straight in the eye & give everyone a head's up.

Plus, it would be kinda funny if I did unexpectedly die & whether a will posted on a blog on the internet is binding would probably be an issue of first impression. Yea.

So, here goes:

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I, Diceburgh, of the city of Pittsburgh, County of Allegheny, and Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, do hereby declare this to be my Last Will & Testament, which will be supplemented periodically on my blog, http://www.hotpinkbutter.blogspot.com.

First, I hereby direct that all of my debts, funeral expenses & expenses of administration of my estate be paid out of my estate as soon as practicable after my death. Under no circumstances shall any portion of my viewing, funeral or wake be in any way asscoiated with the practices or beliefs of the Roman Catholic Church. For that matter, there shall be no religious association at these events whatsoever.

Second, I name & appoint my BFF, Timily Frazier McCloud, to be the executor of this Will. I further direct that she not be required to give bond or other security.

Third, I direct that my bodily remains be promptly cremated & scattered into the confluence of the Three Rivers at Point State Park, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Fourth, I give my most economically-valuable worldly possession, my 1998 Dodge Durango (aka "The Durangelo"), to my only sister, Nicole A. Stockey. To Nicole, I also give my snowboards in the hope that one day she will learn to ride in addition to being a great ski racer.

Fifth, I give my Australian Cattle Dog, Daisy, to my parents, William E. & Judith A. Stockey. They shall also take possession of all dog related accessories, such as toys, leashes, veterinarian documents, etc.

Sixth, I give my fish tanks, pet fish & all related accessories to my good friend, Kevin Scott Brown. To Kevin, I also give my "Pennsylvania" belt buckle, which he is very fond of.

Seventh, I give one-half of my collection of books to Timily F. McCloud. I give the other one-half to Ernesto Barbareri. These two beneficiaries shall meet to divide the books & if there is a dispute as to the equitable nature of the division, an outside appraiser shall be consulted.

Eighth, I give my iPod, Sony Vaio desktop computer & Dell Inspirion 5160 laptop to Timily F. McCloud. This includes all related hardware, such as my printer, speaker system & wireless router. I direct her to permanently delete all personal files on the two computers & use them as she sees fit.

Ninth, I give my Sony television, Play Station 2 (and related accessories) & VCR to Ryan J. Provil.

Tenth, I give my Kenmore sewing machine to Jennifer Verna Boyd.

Eleventh, I give my "Baby Jesu" statute to Daniel J. Vogel.

Twelveth, I give my Black's Law Dictionary & Bluebooks to Michael A. Byrne.

Thirteenth, I give all my board games to the Pittsburgh Boys & Girls Club.

Fourteenth, I give all bikes in my possession to Free Ride!, an Pittsburgh non-profit organization that recycles & repairs bicycles.

Fifteenth, I give my compact disc collection to my sister, Nicole A. Stockey.

Sixteenth, I give my camping gear, including my EMS 6-person tent, Sierra Designs sleeping bag and 2 camp chairs to Timily F. McCloud.

Seventeenth, I give all of my pirate & buccaneer costuming & accessories to Stephen J. Driscoll.

Eighteenth, I give my Nancy Grace autographed photo to Kelsey Walko.

Ninteenth, I give my Jerome Bettis autographed football to my father, William E. Stockey.

Twentieth, I give my gold muppet-like wig to Christopher Barrone to use exclusively for Pittsburgh sporting events.

Twenty-first, my furniture shall be divided among my immediate family members. If there remain pieces which no one desires, they shall be donated to The Salvation Army.

Twenty-second, my clothing & shoes shall be likewise divided among my friends & family. Remaining pieces shall be donated to The Salvation Army.

Twenty-third, I give my Oreck vacuum & Oreck "lil' buddy" canister vacuum to my mother, Judith A. Stockey. I also give to her my 4 Coach purses.

In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand & seal this 18th day of January, 2006.

/s/
Candace Ann Stockey
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OK, OK...I got bored. So, if anyone out there knows of something of mine that you want, lemme know so that I can supplement my will.

Peas aht.